Kidoworld 15

今天突然在电话里发现了一个。。。东西。
我都忘了原来我做了这种事。
重复的看了几次,越看越不开心。
我竟然曾经放纵我自己,放任我自己。
好讨厌,好恨!

到底是怎么了?
难过不是一种借口。
玩更不是借口。
忘我也不能。
控制不到,更不可能。

我根本不喜欢这样玩,也不想这样玩。
原以为我只想玩。
但,不是这样玩。
我其实是很不喜欢的。

要解脱,要逃避,不应该是这样。
要忘记,应该有别的方法。
不可以这样。
会被讨厌。会被讨厌。会被讨厌。
好讨厌,好恨,好生气。。。好难过。

Kidolife 7

又去club了。
最近去得太密了！！
下个星期又喝喜酒……唉……
这种那么狂欢的生活，真不能想象我会过这种生活。

要玩火，玩一把我玩不起的火。
反正那种地方也是放肆的地方，不需要太介意。
最重要的只是，玩的开心。

我的生活应该是毫无意义，毫无目标。
每天为这种东西烦，幼稚！
好！
决定去进修！
要转移注意力。

工作开始要忙了，还真有点期待。
虽然我不介意浪费时间，但还是比较喜欢有东西做。
有东西做的时候，觉得自己比较有用。
我不可以做一个废人！

Kidoworld 14

不是已经走出去了吗？
不是已经不再回头了吗？
那个时候就已知道，两个人的差距只会越来越远。
最先看到那个改变的，不就是自己吗？
明白了改变的事实，那一刻，再三地告诉自己，她，变了。

不再是你熟悉的那个人。
不再是你认识的那个人。
也许有一天，会变成不再是你爱着的那个人。

那一天，真的来了。
她，变了。
我爱她，但她已不在了。
我爱着的人，我深爱的人，我爱过的人，在我面前的这个人，她，到底是谁。
我还爱着她，但是，她，不是这个人。

不是喜欢上了另一个人吗？
怎么会为了这一个，我深爱过的“她”，已经不在了的“她”……
我喜欢的另一个人，我喜欢的那个人，我喜欢的人，不应该是让我伤心的人。

Kidolife 6

Well, I just got my glasses.
It was ready two weeks ago, it's just that I haven't make up my mind.
Anyway, I got it now so laser will have to wait for another 2-3 years, minimum.

And there goes my money.
I'm looking alittle badass now...mmhmm...
Will definitely receive critics from people...cause even I myself couldn't get used to my look now...or should I say I'm too used to frameless glasses me.
Alittle headache now cause everything is so clear now==

That's all for the glasses.
Now I'm looking forward to go-kart.
Yay~

Saw something online that makes my mind go crazy, and I start to have some crazy thoughts.
Hopefully they'll go away soon.
My life is ok now.
Things are going just fine.
Could be better could be worse, if I take the risk.

What is life, without a little risk? :)

Kidolife 5

I'm so gonna be dead tonight. I'm glad I had a good week.

Had a car accident on friday night, which was supposed to be like...everything was just so fine that week. Everything went well, I was in a good mood, looking forward to what's coming up. Then...BAM!

So there goes my car. So sick.
So my mood was affected. But I'm still quite happy for the weekend.
Sleepovers, Genting...I had fun.
Those can cover up the sadness of my car crash, more than enough. :)

So I'm gonna tell my parents about the car crash later.
Wish me luck!

Kidolife 4

I went to get a new pair of glasses today.
My glasses have always been...not the most expensive ones, but not cheap either.
I don't change glasses often.
The one I'm having right now was bought more than 6 years ago, so I guess it is worth the money.
After 6 years of having frameless glasses, I decided to go for a change.
I guess the boss would wish that every customer is like me...in a certain way.
I spent lots of time choosing between 2 different pair of glasses.
After like about 1 hour, I got Carl Zeiss Lens + Tag Heuer frame.
Sounds pretty cool?
The price sounds even cooler.
Not for the fainted heart.
RM1750.
See?
For a pair of glasses.
Hope it'll be worth the money.
After a few hours which is now, I'm feeling a little regret...
That is indeed a little pricey for a pair of glasses...
I'm really sorry...==

I've spent alot of money these 2 years.
Work And Travel USA, Diving Course, new phone, new glasses...they costed like...80% of my degree course fee...SHIT!!!!
I don't know about others but that is quite alot of money to me...
For the first time I'm gonna say to my parents...I'm really sorry...==

Kidoworld 13

As an Actuarial Science student, we learn about making estimations based on past experience, to predict the future outcome, the worst scenario, and take precautions if it happens.

So I only had 1 past experience, I wonder how people make estimation based on just 1 past experience. The sample size isn't random enough, can not reflect anything. It did show the worst outcome, that I was totally down in it and spent lots of my time living in it, and might possibly continue to live with it, till who knows when.

Perhaps there's some traits.
Well of course I knew some of them myself.
Yet I'm quite surprised that people actually realize too.

If the possibility is not 0, anything can happen.
So, I will not doubt the possibility.
0.01% perhaps.
I hope it doesn't happen.

Human are greedy.
Everything starts out as a spark. We expect spark to just go off in a short while, so we don't have much hopes. When the spark turns into flame, we hope it'll burn, burn longer. We hope that the flame would go on and on and never go off. We hope that the flame will burn everything, keep things hot and passionate. But it didn't. It stopped after a while. The only thing that got burnt was ourselves.

Burnt wound don't always heal completely. Sometimes they leave scars, scars that will always be there. We couldn't make the scars dissappear, we can only hope for someone who sees it, and accepts it.

Kidolife 3

So, I went for a holiday, alone.
I went to Perhentian, where my friends are working there, and there's this beach, what not.
I took an Open Water course, and now I'm a certified Open Water Diver. :)
I have to admit that it was kinda lonely going alone, especially when diving, cause there's no one to share the things you saw in the water.
Guess that's the thing about being alone, there's just no one to share with, good or bad.
For the first time, I've gotta admit that I was feeling kinda lonely cause there's no one to talk to.
Other than that, all was well.
It was a really relaxing trip, all I do is just sleep, eat, dive...and repeat the same thing again.
Spent the nights sitting on the beach, listening to the waves.
It was cloudy so there's no star...maybe it's a good thing orelse I'm gonna spend forever on the beach..hahaha
Then I came back, alone, darker, and learned something new. :)
Last but not least, my dive instructor was kinda cute...:P

Kidoworld 12

最近有点觉得，生活很空洞。
其实一直以来的生活都是如此。
可以说是自由、无拘无束，也可以说是漫无目标、浑浑噩噩。

上个星期，差点发疯了。
觉得生活欠缺了一些事情，缺少了一些，追寻的目标。

也许我应该离开都市生活几天，冷静一下。
就很突然的请了几天假，安排了一个人的旅行。
明天晚上就出发，希望回来后我会对生活有所改观。

我们见面了，说了一些话。
感觉上还不错。
就这样慢慢的，或许真的会好一点。

还有，也许单身太久，有点忘了有人在身边是什么感觉……哈哈
单身也不是不好，但也是时候学习和人相处了？
不过就像某人说的，我要喜欢人，还真是不容易。
也没很挑阿？哈哈
总有一天，我会遇到我喜欢的，另一个人。^^

Kidoworld 11

"Everyone should move on.
Since she already did and you don't think she's the one, what's there to wait for?"
Quoted from a friend.

And I answered:
"I'm just waiting for someone to talk me out of it, or the time to come."

She might not be the first one to tell me that.
Perhaps she's the one, perhaps the time has come.
And I made my first step.

No one asked what my first step was, or is.
She did. She told me to smile.
I like how things are so simple and how she don't know about anything.

My first step would never have come so soon if it wasn't for her, perhaps.
So I thanked her.

I made my first step.
I hope that things will get better.

There's just this one last thing I wanted to ask.
Have I not moved on all these years?